Running on Idle [Closed]

Time passed, and as if it was some cheesy sitcom or teen comedy, Lanai and Ujiyasu were under the same roof.  Even though in reality their age and the circumstance did make the whole thing serious and not a joke, there was still the fact that they were a single man and a single woman living under the same roof while the man's parents seemed a little to optimistic about the whole thing.  So much in fact that they treated Lanai as one of the family, going as far as to even refuse offers of current or future reimbursement from her if Lanai ever offered.  Ujiyasu did his best to keep Lanai comfortable, especially trying to make sure she was as mentally relaxed as he could at night.  He theorized that, as long as the nights didn't constantly devolve into some perpetual nightmare hell, the further away whatever event caused these nightmares got, the easier it would be to prevent them.  Again though, that was the trick.  Keeping her from having them in the first place so she can put some distance there.  Though truthfully, most of that was at night before bed.  So what did Ujiyasu do during the day?  Sadly the answer was a simple "nothing".

It wouldn't be long before Lanai should notice a pattern.  Ujiyasu just lying around and relaxing around the house.  He never went out, whether it be for a job or to enjoy himself outside.  Admittedly he had a job and the owner of the shop was out of town for awhile.  Hell, Ujiyasu hadn't even planned on being back in Aria at this point.  Yet there was still something...off about it.  It was no secret by the way his parents reacted.  It wasn't anger at him being lazy, it was nothing but parental worry.  They tried to hide it from Lanai, but it was still obvious.  A week and a half passed, and this didn't change.  At an early dinner on this particular day the three sat around the table.  Ujiyasu's father was at work.  Dinner was just about wrapping up.  "Lanai, do you know about our little district's festival of the arts?"  Ujiyasu finished what he was chewing and then chuckled a bit.  "It's that time of year again isn't it?"  "Local businesses all help fund it.  It's full of all kinds of food, music, art, dancing, and just about everything else."  "It's a shame the old man couldn't make it.  He's still out of town."  Ujiyasu's mother turned to Lanai.  "Do they have a festival like that where you're from Lanai?"

It was no secret how Lanai treated herself.  She had an immensely low self esteem, which was a dangerous thing in excess.  Ujiyasu himself hadn't thought of all the serious problems it could cause if it continued, but it certainly still didn't make sense to him.  She was sweet and pretty.  Why the low self esteem?  Of course her mentioning in passing a few times how unsupportive her parents were said at least a little.  When she mentioned that only at one very specific festival did Lanai get to bond with her parents, it made both Ujiyasu and his mother a little sad.  "I'm sure they loved you in their own way.  Maybe they were just bad at showing it."  While his mother tried to make Lanai feel better, Ujiyasu had a question that might do the opposite.  He had to ask though.  "You didn't get to have much in the way of fun as a kid, did you?"  Seriously, Lanai talking about herself...ever, it got really depressing really fast.  If that was really all she had to go buy, low-self esteem and loneliness, maybe she was due for a little bit of fun.  "What do you do to entertain yourself?  Do you have any hobbies?"  His mother lit up.  "I'm sure whatever she likes is wonderful, just like my son."  Subtle, very subtle. Ignoring his mother's obvious desires in the situation, he awaited Lanai's answer.

At least to Ujiyasu's mother, that kind of thing was impossible. No parent could not love their daughter. "Yeah some are like that." Before she could speak, Ujiyasu spoke. It was rather matter of fact, much more than the kind though flawed words his mother would have said. "Doesn't make them right though." The conversation continued, Ujiyasu mostly remaining silent, but Lanai seemed to be a bit...what's the word. Honestly, it almost seemed like a word would have to be invented to describe just how much she puts herself down. It was actually that bad. She apparently didn't have any hobbies. Belittling herself apparently WAS her hobby. "I guess that makes two of us." He responded to Lanai's question. Ujiyasu's mother's face immediately darkened a bit. Ujiyasu then went to stand up. He had been thinking about something. "Then what say you we go out and have some fun then?" His mother's face lit up like a light again. He had intended on not going out this year, but Lanai was just too depressing. She needed to lighten up and maybe going out with the sole intent of having some fun would help. "It isn't that late, still plenty of festival left." Ujiyasu then went to go grab his kimono. Regardless of what Lanai would say, he'd just respond. "I'll meet you in the living room." She was going to have some fun and like it.

Who knew if it would help, but maybe reacquainting Lanai with the world's less harsh aspects would help her.  There certainly wasn't any reason, far as he could tell, for a girl like her to look down on herself.  Sadly people who were bad people never looked down on themselves, but people who weren't often did.  She was sweet, and didn't seem like someone who previously committed murder, so odds were it was unfounded.  Upon grabbing his Kimono he walked back out to the living room to find Lanai waiting there as he asked.  She definitely seemed uneasy.  "Still nervous huh?  You might not still be in peak form, but you look good.  You'll fit right in."  He looked towards the front door.  "Humor me at least?  If you still feel too shaken after an hour, we can come back.  If that happens we'll find something else to do."  Ujiyasu turned back to her.  He didn't want to force her, that would kill the point.  Yet he hoped she'd be able to at least try.  If she somehow couldn't, it wouldn't be a big deal.  If she couldn't though, it'd mean her problems ran far faaar deeper than he could imagine.  "I'll be with you the whole time, so what do you say?  It's your choice."  If she really did say no, he'd probably just talk to her.  That dinner was really the most he had REALLY talked to her since the first night.  Usually didn't have much he could think of to say.

Lanai seemed to be more at conflict than just not wanting to go out. Part of her didn't want to go, only part of her though apparently. She didn't want to run into anyone she knew. Oh, that actually made a lot more sense. "As far as they know, you've only stayed with me a few days, and only because my mother insisted." That really was pretty damned close to the truth. His mother wouldn't allow her to go out on the street. "I'm sure someone found the shape your place was in and that man disappeared. If need be, we can make it sound good." Suddenly though, and she perked up. Something told him it wasn't what he said that did it. Maybe she was just accepted that he wouldn't force her to stay out if things got too uncomfortable. He was a little surprised when she ran over and wrapped her arm around his. He shrugged and lead her on. He was used to girls randomly clinging, though this may be one of the first times he didn't politely nudge them off. Thus, he lead her out the door. The festival was up the street a ways, but the sound of people was evident. "Sorta. I actually was probably going to sit out this year, but as you know, plans changed a bit. I still remember back when..." He stopped suddenly, and then quickly chuckled. "So do you like any kinds of art? Painting? Writing? Music? Drama? I know there are always some excellent dancers every year." As they closed in the sounds became even louder. Some booths and stalls were coming into view up ahead. "We could just check everything. Plenty of time, we can call it a night whenever we want." Even as they approached the edge, the kind of festival this was was evident. The first booth had a plethora of beautiful paintings and drawings made by the people manning the stalls. Some had prices on them, indicating they were for sale. "What shall we look at first?"

Yes she did say in the past she liked to write, but his comment was doubling as a list of potential options. She didn't seem to have a preference, so looked like they'd just wander and look at things as they went. Yet when he dropped off the story, she didn't seem to happy. She wanted him to continue on with it. "It wasn't anything important. Just when I came here when I was younger." He looked around. "Everything seemed a lot bigger back then. A lot more wonder to it too." Really what he had remembered different, and quite specific. Still, he had no intent on bringing it up now. He wasn't lying though. Being young, even magic had a lot more wonder to it. To some people, it even ends up becoming mundane. It was a shame really. "Look." He pointed to some arcanists on a small stage, literally juggling fire and electricity. "Electricity too. Looks like they've upped their game." He watched for a bit before finally continuing. "A few years back I watched this with a friend. Some jerk in the audience decided to throw a cabbage at the performers, they ended up accidentally lobbing the fire straight at us. Had to push my friend out of the way, she was right in it's path. Skimmed past my hair and gave me a bald spot on my left side. I actually wore my hat on a tilt for 3 months until it grew back enough. I don't really worry about my appearance, but it looked really bad." He laughed a little. "People's faces whenever the hat got knocked off were pretty funny looking back on it." Looking back, one of the performers began to breath lightning. The other was breathing fire, but that doable even without magic. The stream exploded into an array of colors at the end. All of the colors of the rainbow, like a mini-firework. "Thankfully after what happened, no one's been stupid enough to interrupt the performance since."

When he went and told what was effectively his cover story, she seemed to detach herself from him. She went silent for awhile, but the story about when he got torched seemed to perk her back up. She even pointed out the sign. "It probably would have been helpful to have had that way back then now wouldn't it?" That even made him laugh again. Though her tone of voice next implied that she knew he was hiding something. He scratched the back of his head. "Normally I don't have much to say." It's true, on a day to day basis he was pretty quiet. She seemed to be analyzing him a bit. Still afterwards, she perked back up and asked where to next. "Then let's go see some dancers." He went to lead her in the direction that dancing acts tended to be. He always liked them. The graceful controlled movement was relaxing to watch. He was silent for a bit, small talk not being a strong suit, when suddenly an arm wrapped around his. He turned his head to see it wasn't Lanai's. "Heeeey Ujiyasu~" He recognized that voice. "Nice to see you again~" He pulled his arm out from her grip. "I appreciate the interest, but I'm still not interested." The girl seemed to pout, but after his apology and some explanations that he just didn't want to, she went off. In fact, a lot of girls, whether or not they recognized him, seemed to hit on him. He still didn't give any of them the time of day, simply politely turning them down. Not once did he show much interest. "It's like this every year. It gets exhausting. Say, you're a pretty girl, do guys try to flirt with you a lot?" It was a little strange. Girls with all kinds of different features went to flirt with them. He was bound to be attracted to one or some of them, but he just kept turning them down. Still, as tiring as they were, there were some people he'd rather not run into. It'd make explaining to Lanai a lot harder, or rather she'd then know what kind of thing he was avoiding. Still, he tended to run into them every year.

Lanai seemed to just passively accept it whenever they got interrupted.  Really, she would have been less ignorable had she not removed her arm from his, but it was still generally rude.  The volume of girls trying to get with him was surprisingly only SLIGHTLY lower than usual.  Most of the girls who would see him with Lanai and back off also didn't have the courage to walk up to him in the first place.  "Every year.  Really every month.  If some forward girl catches me they usually go to flirt.  Rejection doesn't seem to deter them either."  That's when he went to ask Lanai about if she got flirted with.  Her response was actually painful.  She basically said that she "wasn't that attractive."  Okay she's said some things that were wrong, but that was more than wrong.  The long hair, the crystal clear blue eyes, and that body.  Ujiyasu cleared his throat at that moment.  "You've obviously never looked in a mirror if you think that.  Well that or maybe someone swapped yours with a fun house mirror."  Ujiyasu stopped for a moment, looking around to gain his bearings, and then turned.  The dancers were this way.  "That wasn't me being nice.  You really are pretty."  Actually he's seen girls who would kill to look like her, literally.  She wasn't a super model of course, but those girls also weren't right in the head.  "I want you to try something.  I need you to say one positive thing about yourself.  And no, you can't say that there isn't anything.  That isn't an acceptable answer.  Think.  What is one thing you like about yourself?  Something good."

Apparently Lanai was a little jealous. He was pretty sure that she wasn't interested in him, so it seemed a little strange. Granted he was used to people who wanted him being very vocal about it, annoyingly so. Yet that insistence that she wasn't attractive was really...well, incorrect. She seemed to go silent, but at least paid attention as he asked her to do something. She didn't respond past that though. Silence. "Just think on it." He said and patted her back a bit. They finally made it to the dancers and Ujiyasu took in the sight. It wasn't just female dancers, there were male ones too. The elegance of a professional dance was hard to beat. Yet Lanai's head was definitely still elsewhere. Finally the first dance ended, and as he clapped he suddenly heard Lanai. "I'm not dead." That's it? Well he couldn't be too upset, her saying that means she would rather be alive. "You like being alive. Remember that feeling." Ujiyasu stopped and went silent for a moment himself, thinking about something. If only... He thought to himself, staring into the distance for a moment. Still, before he let that thought take too much root in his head he shook it off. The next act began. "Would you look at that." This was even more impressive than the first one. He didn't get long before he had to ask. "You okay? I didn't mean to kill the mood."

Lanai's mood might have been crushed. Very few people had the capability of becoming sadder when complimented, and Lanai must have been one of them. It was increasingly clear she was miserable. Still, she unfortunately kept picking up on things Ujiyasu would rather remain buried. "It's nothing. Well, not nothing but." He scratched his chin a bit, thinking. "Just the past. Years ago. Three...or maybe four. I can't remember exactly. Tonight you've just been reminding me of someone." She wasn't reminding him of them directly, but rather some of the general events are bringing back memories. "Maybe it's not you...just today in general. Hard to say, I've been trying not to think about it." It was in the past, it didn't really hurt anymore to think about. Still, he preferred not look back on it because even if it didn't hurt, it wasn't exactly pleasant. Even if he didn't really acknowledge it himself, his lack of drive probably all stemmed back to that day. "Sarah was her name. She was my girlfriend. Let's just leave it at that." Though considering the past tense, he should probably clarify something. "It's not a bad thing to remind me of her mind you. Not like the last time I saw her we were on bad terms, not like we were ever on bad terms." He cut if off there. He really did not want to talk about this. "Let's change the subject. You said you like to write right? Should we go find some writing supplies? Never hurts to stock up."

Lanai didn't understand. The thing was, he didn't notice it when it happened earlier. Yet now there was a pattern. Whenever he would withhold information, she'd get notably upset. She'd just go silent or something. Here it was happening a second time, and it probably wasn't just a coincidence. Still what could he say, he didn't WANT to think about it. "If that's what you want." From there, they began to walk home silently. Ujiyasu really didn't know what to say. This was something Lanai just didn't understand. It wasn't a matter of trust or not wanting to open up to her. Him even saying that name, for the first time in YEARS, was opening up. Maybe he should have explained that it had nothing to do with her, he just didn't want to think about it, but he wasn't thinking along those lines. Uncharacteristically he didn't try to improve the situation, because despite not really showing it well, he wasn't exactly happy right now. Even if he himself didn't realize it. It was almost a subtle cry for help really. They got halfway back when Ujiyasu snapped out of it, at least partially. He himself was still not REALLY aware of the issue, or rather how deep it ran. Still. He remained silent until they got all the way home. Once there, he spoke. "Just so you know. That was the first time I said her name in 3 or 4 years. I'll be right back." With that he just walked back out of the house. He only went back so he could leave her for a few minutes without her getting freaked out. "What happened?" As Ujiyasu left the room, his mother entered. "Her name? Wait, he couldn't have meant...Sarah?"

Lanai explained briefly what happened, and then immediately went on to say they wouldn't understand it. "I don't know how much you actually understand either." His mother said bluntly. She was incredibly sweet, but she wasn't going to listen to ANOTHER person refuse to say something, then continue to act with the unspoken emotions in mind. "He mentioned Sarah's name. I don't know how you managed that, he won't even indirectly refer to her to me. It's as if he is trying to forget she ever existed." She put her hands on her hips. "You obviously got my son to open up, so you aren't leaving this room until you explain to me why you have to leave." His mother sighed and looked out the window. That authoritative air dissipating. "I know you have your problems...but Ujiyasu does too. I don't know what's going on...but I can't understand if you don't tell me." She sat down next to Lanai and actually slumped down. "I can't do anything if no one ever tells me anything." She had been trying all these years to get Ujiyasu to just talk to her, but he wouldn't. "I'm sorry...I know I'm not your mother. You don't have to tell me...I just don't know what to do anymore. Please just...understand. You must mean something to him. He told you even a little about Sarah...he won't tell me, his own mother, anything." At that moment Ujiyasu came back in with a bag of supplies. "I'm home." He knew something was up. He held up and placed a bag on Lanai's lap. "This is for you." With that he went off to the kitchen to grab something to snack on. In the bag, high quality (and expensive) writing supplies. He didn't know how else to try and cheer her up.

When Ujiyasu got back she was about to say something.  Before he could even leave the room she began to apologize.  Then though she started going off on him about how he didn't tell her anything.  Before he was even allowed to speak she then explained what he had been asking about all this time.  So that's what happened.  She wasn't just raped, she was raped by people she trusted.  She was holding back tears.  Though seriously, what did she want him to say?  Literally the only time he actually held anything back, at least tonight, was whenever he thought about Sarah.  He just wasn't very talkative.  "Yes I did avoid talking about her."  He responded.  "The only time Sarah even came to mind was tonight.  The other times, I just...don't know what to really say about myself.  That time watching the performing arcanists, that I enjoy watching professional dancers, I thought that was something.  Though you did it too, I kept trying to get to know you and you kept dodging it.  It's hard to know anything about your life when all of my questions were met with "I can't talk about it.""  He went silent for a moment.  "Still...you opened up about that.  It's only fair I return the favor then.  I can't tell you what happened to her Lanai.  Because I don't know what happened to her.  Just woke up one morning, and she was gone.  No one, not even her family, knew what happened.  It's hard to talk about someone you care about when you don't even know what happened to them.  When they're missing, and possibly dead.  I looked and couldn't find her.  After awhile, the tears dry up.  I was going to propose to her, and when years passed with no sign of what happened...I just wanted to forget.  That's...all there is to it."

Ujiyasu's mother couldn't even open her mouth.  Lanai had, yet again, gotten him to talk about something he hadn't in 4 years.  She looked like a wizard to his mother right now.  "I know it isn't as bad as being raped.  And I know that it means nothing to you, but that doesn't change the fact that it means something to me.  And if you think that there's more I'm not telling you than that, you're mistaken.  Besides watching the gentle water of a river or dancers, I have no hobbies.  I don't have dreams or aspirations I haven't told you.  All I am doing is trying my hardest to be happy.  I'm sorry, I know that isn't the answer you were looking for."  He himself still didn't understand.  He was more hung up on Sarah than he realized, and it was getting in the way of him being able to be truly happy.  It killed his drive, it killed all aspiration, all it did was hold him back.  But even him being able to say this much now, it would take a lot more to truly make him understand.  "I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable." At first he was a little annoyed and his voice showed it, but a few sentences in, when he mentioned he didn't know what to say about himself, it transitioned into the first time she had probably ever heard him sound sad. "I'm bad at these kinds of things."